My heart isn't responding...darn I really thought that pep talk would work, but it didn't. In case you didn't know, I try to take the funny side of a very dark and hard situation. I try to do this a lot for my sanity. It makes me feel better, sometimes.
I often wondered about my life, the struggles and issues that I have chosen to deal with, and up til' now I really believed...wow, that's a whole crap load. Now, looking at my current situation, I would repeat all of the past to avoid this present one. I think at times I'm strong, and then their are days I feel weak, vulnerable, helpless, and at times like a door mat. I really believed with everything I had, I had stopped that sick cycle, of people hurting me, or thinking that they could and somehow getting away with it.
I don't write this to offend or hurt anyone, I write this because it feels like my personal space, my journal, my history so to speak, and as hard and as difficult as this currently is, I want to believe that someday I will appreciate what Ive written and that in some way it will help the future me.
So I write this to Kristen, to anyone that feels this, to anyone that has been where I am, if you can help, great, if you cant, that's okay too. Just being a sounding board works great too.

I want my family...Aaron's family to know of my great love for them. You all have been so supportive and loving, to both of us, it makes me believe in a better tomorrow. To keep going at it, and remembering why we are all here, to go through this life even with its up and downs, to remember our Savior and the great love that he has for me, to reach out and teach others, to inspire others, to come out stronger than before, to repent, to have our sins washed away, and forgiveness, from others and to others. I hope someday forgiveness will come, in many forms. I pray for the strength to remember the Atonement to remember that everyone is human, to know that everyone makes mistakes, just as I do.