Brinton....

Brinton:

Its funny to me that with each child that I have I do things a little different every time.  I discipline different, I hold them more or less depending on which number of child they are, I feed them formula with the breast milk, I kiss them so much more because I know how fast time goes now.  I don't change their clothes every other hour cause I know I the one that's gotta do the laundry, I savor sweet moments, putting them in bed with me to nurse, holding them on my chest at night while all the other kids are asleep, saying his name more, cause I love it, kissing their sweet little hands and feet all that much more, and smelling his newly scrubbed head all that much more.  I love having babies, its my calling, it has always been what I wanted to do.  I didn't dream of a career, or a big lavish lifestyle, or travel, I simply just wanted to marry someone I was crazy in-love with which I did, and have babies.  That's it.  I figured everything else could wait, until I was a Mother.  Its hard, I feel torn, I thought that being done or not being done would be so cut and dry, but its not its confusing, its complicated, and I feel torn, granted I just had a baby but I was expecting to know right after I had him, to which I have gone back and forth.  I guess for now, I will savor this new little man in my life, kiss him, eat him up, kiss his sweet little toes as often as possible, and pray and wait.  Here's to holding my baby for now.  :)